stupid? bodoh? dumb?

I am wondering for the 100th time have I gone mad or have I gone stupid? I can't seem to understand anything that I am studying. How am I supposed to memorize? and all these things are the stuff that i had gone through before. Sigh I dare not even start studying the pelvic floor. I don't know how much are they going to ask that and I am now wasting my time here trying to blog. I just can't seem to comprehend everything and even the development of the brain that I had just learnt a few months ago looks like something that i hadn't learn before. I HATE embryology. There. I had said it. I know i know, i can't hate some subject, the more i hate it the more chances it will come out in the exam. Sigh. But it's so hard to study it. Every single time i want to revise embryology I will have to try to start from the beginning and start to understand AGAIN. I am wondering should i just skip the whole embryology as a whole. Just skip it and study other stuff. Yeah maybe I should. It;s just too difficult and there's simply just no time to understand and remember it all in 1 weeks time. I am now regretting all the moments and time that i have spent on watching movies. But to come and think of it, it may have been just the very reason why i'm not burnt out 100% yet. I have to keep the strength and endurance. I have to go on for another 3 months. Right. I will keep it up. I will pass EOS, I will get GREAT results in USMLE. I will try to understand IMPORTANT things. right!! I HATE lecture notes. I wish i had wrote more details. Lesson no. 1 to be learnt. In clinical school, my notes have to be more organized and explained clearly. Because in 3-4 months time when i open the same notes again if i don't organize it and explain it well, it would look like alien. and i would become and idiot. Right.. the spirit is coming back.. study!