Insomnia

I am now in a very not sleepy moment. dum-di-dum. hmmmmm wat can i do? i can't study anymore.. i know im going to get a headache soon...i need to go to bed but i can't...im just looking at the calender next to me.. i just realised it's the 29th already!!! My EOS 5 officially starts tomorrow. hm.. hmm. hmmmm. OKay.. check list of what i HAVE NOT done. I didn't do my head and neck muscles(again!). I didn't study the pelvic floor(hate that) I am seriously contemplating whether i should do it or not. Or should i just revise the First Aid from the beginning till the end tomorrow. What should i do? god i feel so restless... i really really want to pass the exam. i am not hoping of getting a better score. just wanna pass. mom sis and bro has already arrived in italy about 14 hours ago. I am so jealous..i really need a holiday...DUnno after this exam i will have much of a holiday or not.. but i will certainly try to relax and STUDY (as if tat's even remotely possible =.=... im still coming back to the topic..i can't sleep. period. what the hell am i supposed to do? boring boring boring

Sis and mom going to the airport

Sigh im so jealous! I wanna go for a holiday too. But im stuck here in malaysia and hv to study hard for my upcoming exam next monday. Boring boring boring boring

love??

Okay. I don’t understand myself. I absolutely cannot concentrate right now. I did not go through my lecture notes. Sigh. What am I going to do? I am absolutely in serious trouble. And I can’t stop thinking about having a new love in my life. I love Yi Lun. I really do but I don’t know why, probably from all the movies I have watched recently. Sigh which shows that I did not study as much as I was supposed to. I am afraid now. And I have no idea how am I going to face the coming exam. I just feel so frustrated and afraid that I can’t do well in the exam. I just really, really hope that I can pass the exam. What am I going to do? Even after reading the first-aid there are a couple of stuff that I can’t remember from the book and there’s also the fact that not all the topics are covered in the first aid book. I am too afraid to face lecture notes as there’s too many of them. I have only 5 days life and I have absolutely no idea what to do. Oh god. Oh god. I can’t concentrate, I can’t remember anything. I really hate myself. Why do I have to go and watch so many movies? During semester one this is what happened and look. Sigh. What’s wrong with my brain. I kkept thinking about all the love stories and I kept wondering if there’s more to my love life than this. Im just a horrible slut that wants more excitement in her love life then just the old boring stuff. i can’t believe im saying this. It’s not that my love for yi lun has died. It has not…I still love him more than ever but I just can’t help thinking what would it be like to be in love with somebody else. Ok. I need to get back to studying.

am i going to pass?

it seems that i have been pretty hardworking in updating my blogs lately. can't say the same for studying though. Sigh. I realise that i have been sighing a lot. yeah i know it's not good but i can't help it. The more frequent i blog, the more it means that i don't have a life. Apart from studying. I wanna go shopping, i wanna go for a holiday by the beach, sip some nice cold coffee and watch the light blue waves in redang or any beach for all that matter. In 2 weeks time i would be free if i play the cards well..i mean study well... sigh.. i just kept getting distracted... wanted to play pool(online i mean) i wanna buy a lot of clothes to replace my wardrobe and change my hair style. im seriously thinking of cutting it super short. but considering im not exactly pretty by nature, cutting it may only make me uglier. Right gotta stop talking crap and start studying. Again. boy this is a real boring blog

stupid? bodoh? dumb?

I am wondering for the 100th time have I gone mad or have I gone stupid? I can't seem to understand anything that I am studying. How am I supposed to memorize? and all these things are the stuff that i had gone through before. Sigh I dare not even start studying the pelvic floor. I don't know how much are they going to ask that and I am now wasting my time here trying to blog. I just can't seem to comprehend everything and even the development of the brain that I had just learnt a few months ago looks like something that i hadn't learn before. I HATE embryology. There. I had said it. I know i know, i can't hate some subject, the more i hate it the more chances it will come out in the exam. Sigh. But it's so hard to study it. Every single time i want to revise embryology I will have to try to start from the beginning and start to understand AGAIN. I am wondering should i just skip the whole embryology as a whole. Just skip it and study other stuff. Yeah maybe I should. It;s just too difficult and there's simply just no time to understand and remember it all in 1 weeks time. I am now regretting all the moments and time that i have spent on watching movies. But to come and think of it, it may have been just the very reason why i'm not burnt out 100% yet. I have to keep the strength and endurance. I have to go on for another 3 months. Right. I will keep it up. I will pass EOS, I will get GREAT results in USMLE. I will try to understand IMPORTANT things. right!! I HATE lecture notes. I wish i had wrote more details. Lesson no. 1 to be learnt. In clinical school, my notes have to be more organized and explained clearly. Because in 3-4 months time when i open the same notes again if i don't organize it and explain it well, it would look like alien. and i would become and idiot. Right.. the spirit is coming back.. study!

Another day....

There's approximately 1 week left before my End of Semester Examinations. My dad has to pay for the Semester 6 fees by 18th of August. Sigh. Why do we have to pay so fast? I have to check if my account has been credited with some money from the PTPTN loan.

This morning i finally went out breakfast with my dear. I can see that my mom is not happy. I have been going out breakfast with her for the past 4 days. Of course i miss my dear and i wanna eat with him. Why does she have to be so upset? Just now i told her I am not going for yoga because I have a little stomach ache. She wanted to buy chicken rice for me(YUCK) and i just told her im going out to it. Again she don't look happy. I don't know what's got into her. i don't know why she disliked him so much. He don't smoke, he don't club he don't drink much. It's just that he's not a future doctor! I can't concentrate right now because i really have no idea what she have against him and every mention of his name she will go all rigid and averted her eyes. I love my mother and i don't want this to go on forever. I don't know if i will marry my dear but i just think that i should enjoy my life now as it is and only cross the bridge when i reach it. Not think about what is going to happen in the so far future.

Sigh.. i don't kn0ow what's wrong with my discipline either.. Been watching so many movies because i felt so relaxed. now i feel so stressed and i am pretty sure that i can't finish studying. I kept thinking, shouldl i just study from my first aid book?( it's the book that will be used extensively for my USMLE exam later) which reminds me something funny happened this morning. I wanted to ask my dear whether he's going to attend the YE camp in August. and he was a bit stressed up and said no he's too busy preparing for his USMLE exam LOL!!!! he was so much influenced by me and the exam! he was actually supposed to be taking the toefl and as he's english is not very strong he's a bit stressed up. can't believe he wound up saying he's stressed because he needs to take the USMLE exam. Okay. back to the topic. right. should i just read from the First Aid or should I go through all the lecture notes? I am definitely using the lecture notes for CNS, MSK, Renal, Repro, and endocrine. Repro is supposed to be finished days ago. I'm down to the last 5-6 lecture notes which comprises of embryology and behavioural science.BORING. MSK is half done, CVS half done respi, hemato, GI haven't started. Sigh I'm in real deep shit. I really gotta buck up. Right. The studying mood is coming back. Gotta go.

Afternoon at home..

Afternoon at home and I am finally not feeling sleepy... sigh yesterday was wasted...slept throughout afternoon and i can't stay up late due to an early 8 am lecture today...
I am gonna try to finish a lot of system today( hopefully)
Right, i just remembered what was i about the blog about. My CNS result.. I got B+, Yeah yeah i know i passed..but i was kinda disappointed because i thought I got an A after calculating my marks during the feedback session. Looks like I have overestimated myself. I really really need to study harder and smarter. Gotta go start now.

My recent life..

I've been reading my previous posts and I have just realized that all my posts are so incredibly boring and showed what an incredibly boring life i lead.
I think I should update a little on what are the interesting happenings of my life so that whomever reading my blog won't think that I'm such a loser. :(.

May 2008
.... Oh god. I can't remember what are the happenings. Ok. I remembered taking the Central Nervous System examination. Boring. Oh and I had my Mock Osce which i have failed pathetically. Right. Nothing interesting.

April 2008
Oh well, this month the best thing I can remember is my 22nd birthday celebration. It was such a nice surprise!! on the 25th April, I woke up feeling really really tired but I had to be awake to study with Andrew in the MMS and i was really upset as i don't remember anything. After that, I was all ready to have my lunch and have a break from studying. Went to the cafeteria with Andrew and bought my lunch happily. Suddenly, De Jun came in with a few slices of birthday cake, and suddenly all my batch mates in the cafeteria sang happy birthday to me. I was stoned. And stunned. LOL It was really really a surprise. Unfortunately, at that time, Fiona and Swarna wasn't able to come. But still i was really happy. Later in the evening, I was supposed to go out with the whole bunch, Swarna, Fiona, Kajen, Mui How, Caryn, Kevin, Aaron to celebrate James's Birthday. I was supposed to leave with Fiona, James and Kajen. And guess what, It was a surprise for me and James too!!! And another surprise was, Swarna and Fiona had even invited Cody(my boyfriend) to Relish in KL! That explains why he did not want to have dinner with me that day. =.=. Anyway, it was a really great day and really really memorable. I am so going to miss Swarna and Fiona when they leave for their partner medical schools. It's me and the books after that and no more clothes shopping in Bangsar, no more pedicures together, no more after exam shopping as well. Sigh. Feeling nostalgic again. And now since there's a chance swarna may go to UK this fall, we won't even have time to go out to visit Fiona in Kedah or go for any shopping spree... Y_Y. Ok I'm not going to think about this right now. I should focus on studying. YEAH! Update more later.

Studying life..

11.45am 1/6/2008


Got up this morning at 7.37am and i realised.. oh i only have half an hour to sleep in then i will have to get ready for my first violin student of the day, Jerrard. His playing is really pretty good today.. I really think that he is starting to get used to the metronome. I am really happy for him.. I don't know how long I am still gonna teach. I want to continue to earn some extra cash as there's a lot of things that I want to buy and I love shopping.

I have 2 hours to myself now before my next student. Unfortunately I can't seem to concentrate on what I am studying and I absolutely hate Dr. Esha Gupta's notes(she's a physician from Seremban Hospital) I really cannot understand the notes and most symptoms are so non specific. Sigh. I can't remember.

Yesterday's yoga was pretty good, but didn't really sweat much. There were more stretching, not much mind boggling postures. Is either you can do it or you can't.

I feel so incredibly bored now... I feel like i have so much to do. Have to complete the USMLE questions and have to finish reading the notes.. I was supposed to start the Respiratory System today but I haven't finish my Musculoskeletal system, Cardiovascular System, and Central nervous system i haven't even started when i was supposed to finish it long time ago. sigh this is a signal for me to get back to studying.