Ideal world

In an ideal world.

the perfect parents. perfect primary school. perfect secondary school. perfect grades.
go to college. meet the love of your life. graduate. start working. start a family.

the perfect world didn't actually seem that hard to achieve.

but it ain't so perfect after all.

u may not have perfect grades. u might break up badly with your college love life. u might not get a job. u might get married start a family. someone screws up and breaks the family apart. or someone screws up but kept it a secret

sigh. why start a family if something like that would happen? Hate being female. hate to be so vulnerable being pregnant, breastfeeding and worrying if he cheats. which apparently almost every man does.

even worse. husband and wife totally devoted to each other but somehow, one person gets sick and faces a life threatening illness. devastating

all these starts from greed, love and lust.

I am such a pessimist now!

I no longer feel like I want to be married and feel insecure all the time.

Then again, if u can't give emotional security to a person you have swore to god you will love and marry. Then don't.

I think when a woman feels insecure, it's not just her own fault and that her hormones are raging. It's the couple as a pair at fault.

Cruel

That's just cruel isn't it.

I am beginning to wonder whether do i know what is it like to be loved.

I know and understand what you're doing. It's because you love me.

But I wish you could show me your love in other way and not this.

I know you want what's best for me.

But u know what I want. If you can live without ever seeing me again then do that. I can't stop you from feeling that way. I will stay out of your way. Nothing I can do about that.

At least, now i know how cruel can a person be.

Time..

feel like i have to scrape through whatever little time you have left thrown to me

Love..

love..

give the one you love freedom

give the one you love happiness.

even if happiness to the one you love means not being with you, let it go

I know this. And I did understand enough how important it is to let go.

But I know, somehow, deep in my heart. There's a feeling that I just can't let go. There's no way my wish will come true. I know that.

I am just going to keep it in my heart. Tuck it away. I will open it up once in a while. But it'll never be gone.

This feeling doesn't need to show up. I just have to keep it locked safely. Secretly hope, one day, that someone will open it and make it come true.