Letting go...

Finally. After few months of being physically alone but not literally alone, I have finally broken free and am literally single now.

I have been wanting this for a long time, but now that it finally happened, I just felt that I am not as sad as I was supposed to be. Maybe I haven't allow myself to feel it just yet, but right now, I feel free.

It's not that I don't love him you know, but the thing is, I can't see our future together right now. I mean, we're not going to be physically together for the next 4 years, and I and pretty sure after that if I do get a residency in the States(which is all I ever wanted right now) we are not going to be physically together for the next 10 years.

I will be 33 by then.

I thought we can do this, but looks like we can't. Maybe not in this life cause we want different things.

Anyway, I finally feel like I am able to breathe again. Thank you and thank god for the brazillian girl i met here, she's so supportive and I am going to miss her so much in the next rotation.

Oh yeah, and a bit of update here in the States. Everything's been great, it's getting colder and colder, but I am adapting so it's all good. I love the hospital, was a bit disappointed that they did not have any foreign medical graduates here at all doing residency, but I am still going to try!

Did not do any studying at all :(. Have been too excited watching and scrubbing in on surgeries and visiting New York City. I really think, this can be the place for me. Let's just see what happens.

Being a foreign student..

It is definitely a hard thing.

It is not an excuse to now know your way around. Not an excuse to not know what are things called even though you are in a different country.

I am not complaining as I know that this is what I am in for. I know it's going to happen. I just don't understand why some other students feels differently. That they do not deserve to be treated this way. Sigh. I thought that the elective was quite fine till they were complaining. THEN, I had second thoughts. But then, I vowed to do better, I want to be better and prove them wrong.

I want to learn to be more cool and chill. I don't want to be angry for petty reasons as it is just bad for me.

Anyway all this incident reminded me for the frog story Dr. L once told us. That being deaf could be good at times.

And I am still hoping that I will never ever be late. It's like a wish that has not come true sigh.

Manhattan, New York

Amazing, busy, beautiful, shopping heaven. What else can I say? I just still can't really entirely believe I am here and so happy now. Okay I realized I haven't been blogging for a while now, so just an update.

Oh yes, the letter. Received it on the morning at 3 am on the day that I was leaving, which was the 30th October 2009. Phew. Apparently the firewall in the New York State Education Department blocked all my attachment and hence it didn't went through. Anyway, i faxed the documents over and then she finally sent the letter to me.

Anyway, flight was really fast, i was just sleeping the whole way to Amsterdam and from Amsterdam to NYC I just watched The Time Traveller's Wife, and slept a while, and then ARRIVED!

The first week just flew by, everything's great here.. I am able to scrub in and help a little in the morning rounds, though it was really too fast to understand anything. Am now in Urology.. things have been interesting.. though i have to say the most exciting things are really the shopping..

Have been to the empire state building, some museums, central park, times square, broadway, basically all the pictures are on fb.

I have bought so many things and there are so many places that I am planning to go still.. will try to keep things updated. Haven't been studying much though..