Saturday, September 24, 2011

:(

When can I be truly happy again?

Waiting and counting...

I know the days are coming to an end soon...I just can't stop bursting into tears anymore.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Forgetting my dream

I just recalled vividly today, the reason that I have chosen this path in my life. I remembered I want to serve the best to the people I met along my way. I want to make everyone who crossed my path feel better, mentally and physically.

I have arrived the pre destination but it was all for the wrong reason.

I remembered clearly the events of the past few days.

Me getting annoyed with the patient for not wanting her medications.

The extreme fatigue I feel at 6.30 am after working nonstop 24 hour shift. And feeling annoyed that a patient's heart stopped.

Sigh.

I am becoming the impassive doctor.

Today after my yoga.. I began reflecting all the past events. My passion for my patients has waned. Dont know if it's due to the lack of interest in this field or it is just simply I am being a unreasonable person. I know everyone feels fatigued at 6.30 am after a 24 hour shift but it doesn't give anyone the right to feel annoyed.

Today, what I have feared for in the past has happened. I feared that I would become someone without emotions due to fatigue from work. I am becoming those house officers that I have seen and didn't like

I am grateful today after the yoga that I have come to this realization early.

I miss myself that would go out of my way to help my patients, colleague and friends. Tomorrow is a new day for me to start again and remind myself who I was 5 years ago and the reasons why I want to be a doctor,