Happy Birthday..

to a person I thought I used to love

Learn, learn, learn

I have learnt today that I need to be more observant even though I am concentrating on other things.

I have learnt today that I still have palpitations even though I am starting to be calm in a lot of matters.

I need to improve, improve, IMPROVE!!!!

Happiness..

I am so so so so happy. I am such a lucky person. I have great parents who love me for who I am, love me and put me through medical school even though the fees are spectacularly expensive because my results weren't good enough for public university.

I am lucky that I was able to get an elective in New York and that my parents were able to pay for it and am able to discover the other things that I am able to do that I would not be able to prove in Malaysia.

I am lucky that I have a great brother who made me realize that we have to treasure what we have and also who are the real friends and who are not.

I am lucky that I have a great, beautiful loving sister who always make it a point to be there for me when I am alone. I am gonna miss her when she goes to london!

I am lucky that I have great friends, friends who would come to me during an emergency when I needed help, friends who would lend their helping ears and listen to my woes when I am unhappy, friends who would accompany me everyday for a drink when I can't stay home and cry behind the locked door.

I am lucky I have the opportunity to work with a great professor whom I admire for his wisdom, and most of all, his motivation that is still alive in him. I wish I would always be that motivated all the time.

I am just so so so so lucky!!!!! :)

Nightmare

An incredibly weird nightmare. I dreamed that I had to go out dinner with my ex, his gf, mom and his gf's mom. And his gf's mom was intoxicated with ketamine. And she was telling me how good it is. WEIRD

Hold ...

1. Holding tears inside is much harder than crying. Holding tears inside is even harder when mental image of the ex and gf having sex cannot be erased.

2. Holding gas in the anus while doing yoga is an extremely difficult thing to hold. Holding the fart while doing the child pose in a class full of yoga students is even worse.

Sleepless Nights.

3 months has passed. Pain is still there but tears have dried. Nobody else knows about the pain. Can't be visualized anymore.

Cure

Am looking for a cure for procrastination. And the cure for being lazy and unable to wake up in the morning to do yoga

Plans

Everyone make plans. Some plans worked out some plans fail. Some people live to plan, some people plan to live. Some people only have plan A. Some collapsed and stand again if plan A doesn't work. Some doesn't stand and sink below.

I believe plan A always work if there is a plan B and even better C on standby.

Those who doesn't plan, I salute you for being able to live in freedom. Unlike a coward like me that always have constant fear that a plan wouldn't work out.

Dream

All this years I have been running and running and running towards this dream I always have. And this running marathon always have a lot of hurdles stopping me every now and then in the way. This made me run harder and faster.

Suddenly the hurdles have been removed. It is strange but I suddenly felt suffocated, my heart burned and I lost the urge to run again. Why am I not running faster?