Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Appreciation

I need to appreciate my slow bloody stupid bradycardic laptop

I need to appreciate my stupid slow phone

I need to appreciate my grandmother and enjoy the continuous non-stop nagging, day and night, breakfast, lunch and dinner.

can someone tell me I'm in denial and that my laptop is not working and gonna die soon, and that my stupid slow phone is becoming stupider by the day.

then tell me I need to buy one. Or even better, I need someone to give me one :D.

I kept having the urge of going to the maxis center and in BP mall and buy the god damn iphone4 and order a new macbook air.(that's the danger of having a credit card)

Sigh I am doing and thinking of every single thing in the world and not my school work or portfolio. Or the fact that I am behind my friends in a lot of area in studies and knowledge. Oh well. .. at least I am thinking about it right at this moment.

I need a break. Again.



Sunday, November 7, 2010

Lovely weekend

My days are now just revolving around how I feel about you.

The long divali weekend was absolutely... GGRRREEAATTT.. it started great.. ended great...

Started with my on call... delivered one baby boy.. the next afternoon.. (Friday) I drove back to kl to fetch my baobei from the airport

We had a great dinner and a great evening. The only downside was that my mind was filled with images and thoughts and questions that I wasn't able to ask. I ran away. I walked and walked and walked.. That's my weakness. I always want to walk away and want to be found. Sigh. I really hope that I will not have to learn my lesson not walking away the hard way.

Thank you baobei for coming after me. Thank you for not letting me go.

Anyway..Saturday was the usual.. work, rock climbing, shopping.. had my baskin robbins ice cream(no jamoca almond fudge though:( had to take the pralines).

Shopping by myself had made me feel like myself again... :). Bought a book to read.. bought a journal to write in.. Ahh bliss...

After that.. the evening was just ..perfect..

it started with a lovely dinner at Chinoz on the park, KLCC, which in my opinion, was absolutely great. Ambience was perfect, Pizza was great too(only in my opinion :P) yummmmm

After that, we went for the concert, 'Sleeping Beauty' from the Bolshoi by the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra. It was absolutely great.. music was perfect, dancing was astonishing I have to say(I hadn't really seen a ballet performance before). My heart went out to all the ballet dancers' toes and knees. The whole concert was about 3 hours.

Happy sigh.. Thank you...




Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Neutral

Today I am feeling more neutral.

I have asked several questions that I wanted to ask but he was actually er.. drunk

I recalled the feeling that the initial stages of the relationship. When he first told me he loved me I had a real shock. For me, at that time, it was a bit too soon to fall in love. At that time, he was so protective and calling me and wanting to know where I am and where I was. It was something that comes naturally to him.

Now, I could feel those feeling waning. I don't know if it's me, or is it him. Maybe I have loved more and hence demanded more emotional security. But I am never like that. I have never felt afraid I would be left alone.

Now, it seems that calling me has become a chore. This was what I felt yesterday, however, today morning I felt better. Things that I have asked have been forgotten as well.

Yesterday, or should I say early this morning(post call), I recalled all the things he had did for me, how much tender loving care he has given me, how he would not be afraid of showing his affection for me, even in the public. I recalled the day in Singapore where we were in the restaurant and my feet was aching from all the walking, and he'll just massage my feet. I remembered the day we first met, and I remembered how insecure we both were at the initial stage. Then I remembered again, why did I fall in love with him.

So, for now I still want to be happy with him even though I am and will always be, his 2nd priority.

I'll just pray and hope that every time he's not there when I need him, I'll be stronger and wiser.

Monday, November 1, 2010

How many times can I take it?

How many stabs i need?