Neutral

Today I am feeling more neutral.

I have asked several questions that I wanted to ask but he was actually er.. drunk

I recalled the feeling that the initial stages of the relationship. When he first told me he loved me I had a real shock. For me, at that time, it was a bit too soon to fall in love. At that time, he was so protective and calling me and wanting to know where I am and where I was. It was something that comes naturally to him.

Now, I could feel those feeling waning. I don't know if it's me, or is it him. Maybe I have loved more and hence demanded more emotional security. But I am never like that. I have never felt afraid I would be left alone.

Now, it seems that calling me has become a chore. This was what I felt yesterday, however, today morning I felt better. Things that I have asked have been forgotten as well.

Yesterday, or should I say early this morning(post call), I recalled all the things he had did for me, how much tender loving care he has given me, how he would not be afraid of showing his affection for me, even in the public. I recalled the day in Singapore where we were in the restaurant and my feet was aching from all the walking, and he'll just massage my feet. I remembered the day we first met, and I remembered how insecure we both were at the initial stage. Then I remembered again, why did I fall in love with him.

So, for now I still want to be happy with him even though I am and will always be, his 2nd priority.

I'll just pray and hope that every time he's not there when I need him, I'll be stronger and wiser.