Saturday, April 24, 2010

End of surgery...

Surgical rotation is over!! :'(. Am a bit unhappy.. I really enjoyed the surgical rotation, loved every minute of it and the pain in my calf and ache in my feet was PLEASURABLE! that just shows that, no matter how tired you are, if you are doing something you love, it is definitely worth it.

All in all, it was a great rotation. The only downside of it is when I hear people complaining endlessly how tired they are, how much sleep they lacked, how hungry and how much they need to pee. I just can't stand people complaining about stuff that everyone is going through. I mean, I am guilty of always complaining about stuff, but i just felt this is something I have chosen to do. I'll have to do it whether or not i like it. Why not just try to enjoy while you are at it rather than complaining endlessly about stuff?

Anyway, I learnt a lot and exams are over.:)

Of course, the pain from the break up is still there. Initially my dreams are all about the lifestyle I used to have, having breakfast together, going for movies. Every morning I woke up feeling happy, then after being awake for 5 seconds, I had to remind myself, we're not together anymore. Every corner I stand, I remembered the conversation we had, remembered what he said. Gosh we have been to almost every corner around the place!

Anyway, the dreams have been taking a good turn. I have been dreaming about us fighting. Hopefully I'll be able to move on to acceptance phase soon. Don't wanna spend more time brooding over this but i do know I need time, and there really isn't any need to rush and shut out everything at once.

Of course, ego boosters every now and then definitely won't hurt. There's always one everyday that really makes my day. Whether or not it's a true compliment, it always makes me happy. :D

Thursday, April 8, 2010

I wish...

Sometimes I wish the world isn't such a dangerous place. I was on my way home from covering wards(I am supposed to know what is happening to the patients that I am responsible of in the surgical ward). As I came to a stop at the traffic light, I saw a bunch of people and a motorbike lying on the ground.

I was like, damn accident, and I saw a person limping. Immediately I was relieved. Okay. No one's head got crushed.

Right now as I am pondering about this from home. I wondered what took me so long for me to come down from the car to help.
1. It was a whole bunch of man (I am kinda afraid)
2. It was in the middle of a huge junction(Am kinda kinda afraid)
3. Lotsa people, i don't know if it was a real accident or is it a made up one that my parents always told me, ones that tricked you and make you come out of your car.

After the green light came on, I can't move. Then it was red light. I was still thinking. I was able to make out that the victim seem like a chinese guy and people surrounding him were malays and indian. I was definitely afraid there was communication break down, and it doesn't seem like anyone is trying to bring him to the hospital.

At the end, the green light came on again. I went to the guy. Asked if anyone called the ambulance. He seemed fine, was talking. He was able to walk but there was a huge wound on his left lower shin that definitely needs suturing. At the end, some people helped him into my car, and I brought him to the hospital.

I hate the fact that no one even considered to call to bring him to the hospital.

I hate the fact that it was a hit and run.

I hate the fact that I had to ponder so long due to my own insecurity and fear.

I wish the world is a safe place where I can just come out of my car and help someone without the fear of being tricked.

Most of all, I wish there were no accidents.

Monday, April 5, 2010

曹格 - 新不了情

心若倦了,
xin ruo juan le
If your heart is weary,
泪也乾了,
lei ye gan le
And your tears are all dried up.
这份心情,
zhe fen xin qing
This feeling,
难舍难了。
nan she nan liao
Is hard to relinquish or forget.

曾经拥有,
ceng jing yong you
I once used to have,
天荒地老,
tian huang di lao
All the time in the world.
已不见你,
yi bu jian ni
But I haven't seen you,
暮暮与朝朝。
mu mu yu chao chao
For many nights and many days.

这一份情,
zhe yi fen qing
This love,
永远难了
yong yuan nan liao
Is forever difficult to resolve.
愿来生还能,
yuan lai sheng hai neng
I hope in our afterlife,
再度拥抱。
zai du yong bao
We can embrace again.

爱一个人,
ai yi ge ren
Loving someone,
如何斯守到老,
ru he si shou dao lao
How do you remain faithful till you're old?
怎样面对一切,
zen yang mian dui yi qie
How do you face everything,
我不知道。
wo bu zhi dao
I do not know.

回忆过去,
hui yi guo qu
Reviewing the past,
痛苦的相思忘不了,
tong ku de si xiang wang bu liao
The painful memories are unforgettable.
为何你还来,
wei he ni hai lao
Why do you come then,
拨动我心跳。
bo dong wo xin tiao
To make my heart race.
爱你怎么能了,
ai ni zen me neng liao
How is it possible to stop loving you?
今夜的你应该明了,
jin ye de ni ying gai ming liao
Tonight, you should understand,
缘难了情难了。
yuan nan liao qing nan liao.
It is difficult to escape fate, just as it is difficult to dissolve love.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Hypocrite

I am really a hypocrite. I always say I do not care what people think of me. But sometimes, I care so much that I am afraid to say no. Am afraid to disagree because I do not want to hurt someone else's feeling. At the end of that, things ended up being worse, and I end up hurting a person more.

I have been on an emotional roller coaster these days. When is it going to stop? There were so many happy things going on, am supposed to be happy. Let me just reiterate that again

1. International Medical Education Conference(IMEC) - gave my research presentation, was even congratulated by Prof Ron Harden! That was an extremely beautiful and happy day for me

2. Being in the surgical rotation now, scrubbed in for the first time here, was an intestinal obstruction secondary to a perforated appendix.

3. Passing my Step 2 CS!!

My sad score changed from 10/10 to 8/10.

I want to be happy

I want to be happy

I want to be happy

I want to be happy

:(