missing you

It's one of those days where you're a bit busy with them

One of those days where the signal is not so good.. and make me feel that, you might have turned your bb off

Sigh. Of course you and I wished I could have been more patient.

But today I didn't hear much. Didn't mean to complain, is just that, I do miss you a lot. and every hour or two that passes without hearing from you makes me anxious.

anxious that something is happening

anxious that you've forgotten about me

You

I just miss you so much.

Thank you.

Thank you for coming into my life and being there for me after so long

Thank you.

I love you

Australia

Federation square

Hello my baby I am missing you a lot.. I just can't wait to see you again

In love

After so long, I'm still so in love and still hoping for a miracle. Something that would happen and everyone would be happy

When it's a relationship that only you want, you'll have to sacrifice everything, including your own personal feeling due to fear of the person leaving you. It's like, any wrong personal opinion that u say, would made that person upset, shut you off, and then, you'll be the one who says sorry even though no matter how rationally you think about it, it doesn't seem like your fault. In fact, you end up not even having the right to cry as it spoils the time u have together. Wipe your tears alone, be brave and go ask the person to come bk

wish

I wish. One day you'll stop putting the blame on me stop saying that you'd given me the chance to move on at least show me u at least have a heart and say, I was the one who came up to you and brought you flying high and then drop you and went away. yes i agreed to fly. so it's my fault? sure i knew what your real intention was. but if i were to even bring that up you'd scream. self pity? i wonder what caused me to have that. oh yeah it's just me, not you you don't wanna say anything that makes me sad? telling me how happy you r right now would just break my heart. who knows, maybe after hearing it a million times, my heart would be broken beyond repair. then it'll be too broken to love.

if this is how you're gonna punish me i guess im just so wrong about you you could be just so hard on me do you punish everyone that way or is it just me? how u want me to fix this? disappear? disappear right now is that what you want?

I just realized how little trust you have in me. sorry it was an accident

here

you don't come visit my deepest thoughts anymore yah

why

why do i keep doing this to myself?

Gosh

Somehow I'm enduring this. Of course the source of the pain will automatically say that is my own damn fault and I told you so.

No regrets. A person with no regrets will repeat mistakes I guess.

I am sad. How could someone be like this. Why make someone fall in love with you and then leave ? Why? I have to pick up the pieces on my own. And when this is being said, still it somehow becomes my fault. I am too dumb. I fell in love to easily. I fell in love with the wrong person and until now I still cannot let go. And also, that's my own fault.

Why did this happen? What happen to the guys in the world. Why do u do that ? The funniest is, why did I let you do that to me? I should hate you. I should despise you. For not even having an inch of guilt, and still making me feel like its my own damn fault.

My own fault for taking everything you did in the beginning so seriously. For thinking that I actually meant something to you. Or maybe it did. But that feeling just dont last for you. Maybe you feel the same way about every other girl that you dated for only a few months. Then later you just get annoyed.

My heart is sad. Why is the person that I love like that ?

Even being friends, I couldn't whine about my biggest sadness currently. A goal that I have been working towards for the last 4 years. Now is the time and everything, money, time and effort has all dissolved in the air. Just like that. And it was just the second time I have whined and already I was being scolded.

I'm just a sucky person that I can't even complain about my failures. I can't complain to my parents cos I just felt so guilty though my mom has been really understanding.

Am losing faith.

my heart...

I know deep down in my heart I am still hoping. Please don't stop me from hoping. Sigh. I miss you

my heart skipped a beat when you ask me what I'm thinking. but I don't want to spoil the night by repeating all the unhappy things that you already know anyway

I know one day we will be better

I wish we can be better together

Nothing else can make me happier

i know you don't want to repeat the same mistake

but what if this is not a mistake?

finding another you can sound so simple yet so difficult

does your heart not ache when you ask me to leave? or find another?

I really, really wish we can find our way

:(

One of those days that I cry myself to sleep. And I know no one would care or give a damn.

Whitney Houston - Saving All My Love For You

Happy

Yes that's what we are looking for

I am satisfied

But the pain is always there when the phone is picked up.

Especially when I snuck a peek and saw who was it.

Even during the happiest moment my heart can break.

Tears can flow

I hv to just run to the toilet

I know if u told you this you will just give me another expiry date, which will break me even more

waiting

was trying to kill time since 9 pm. tired from the labor ward and packing, but wanted to talk to someone as promised.

10 pm. still no msg. got a cup of coffee. tried to watch some stuff, private practice. -made me a bit shaky abt my future residency decision.

11 pm. still nothing. was beginning to feel really tired with a headache. am thinking of taking a nap, but am afraid will fall asleep and won't be able to talk.

12 am. i send some instant msg but didn't go through. suddenly i got some msges. am i sleeping. i was like oh, crap sth wrong with the network. tried to call on the other phone. ring ring ring ring ring no answer. called many, many times. so am under the impression, hadn't got to the hotel yet. nvm. mayb i can watch more episodes to stay awake.

12.30 am. really sleepy, wanted to go to bed but worried i will do the same thing like yesterday. sent many msg, went through finally but not read. was thinking, u might have already fell asleep. but i was telling myself, no you wouldn't do that. you will make sure your night msg got through and read. i thought. i turned my phone off a couple of times and turned it on again.

1.00 am tried calling again, and again and again. finally picked up. Am really happy. talk and were discussing. was just asking, did the phone ring or what. and did u get my msg. somehow was misunderstood as accusing? sigh.. I don't know. since that form of communication didn't work, maybe a quick phone call? or miss call? or even a text? so that i can go to bed first and don't have to wait.

u suddenly became angry, and kept saying how tired u were and ask me to let you sleep and how my phone has something wrong.

Sigh. I wanna sleep too. :(

i guess you were pissed cause you were tired and the msges didn't go through and somehow it was my phone's fault.

so the verdict. waited for 4 hours. got scolded. go to bed crying alone. and i know, somehow, it will be my fault.

I hate suddenly getting scolded when i wasn't even thinking or suspecting anything. just wanted to say hello and good night for 1 minute and knew that something was wrong with the connection.

don't know why u had to get upset because of that.

sigh. hate technology sometimes. i hate to finish conversation with someone upset with me.

and now, i just got the msg. at 1.42 am. it was probably sent at 12 am.

i just want to vent out now.

cos yesterday i fell asleep without waiting. wanted to religiously wait to talk. wanna congratulate abt the success of today's work. somehow in the process u became angry at me. i failed to provide happiness again. sigh

3 months...

After 3 months

I almost thought pain is less

Thoughts became less

Heart will harden

But it didn't

Tears still fall

Especially on those days

When I need to talk

And realized that can never happen at that moment.

:'(

My heart hurts. still.

I wish.

I wish..

I wish...