Heartbroken.

I have just discovered that my ex has a new gf. The only ex that I have, the ex that I had been in a relationship in for 5 years. He broke up with me about 7 weeks ago.

Here i am under the impression that we're still in love but it is because of the distance, and also the zero future together that we broke up. Looks like I was very wrong.

Looks like I am not as strong as I thought as an ache in my heart and butterflies in my stomach started forming. I wanted to puke.

Low point

Have been sick for the past few days.. today I finally went out for some breakfast.(Ate too much..guilty again) DAMN. i can't believe I had turned into a person who worries about food that I consume! Sigh, I can't just continue eating knowing that I will not gain weight anymore, the sad part about being older but wiser.

Had a crying episode thinking about the past. This is what I have always wanted but I don't know why when i am browsing through memories of the past I can't help but shed tears. What the hell is wrong wit me? I hate being sick, thinking about a lot of nonsense and still having so much to do! One lesson to be learned- do not ever stay in Seremban during weekends. Cos I don't have anything to do, no students to teach, i feel restless and start thinking about a whole lot of nonsense.

The thing is, I don't think I will ever deserve to love anyone else or to be loved by anyone else cause i am just too selfish. My heart aches just thinking about it.

Sick

I hate to be sick. I am such a wuss.

FAT

The most traumatizing thing about being in New York

1. getting a big fat belly

2. weight increase in 5 kg, something that has never happened in the past 10 years!!!!GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

New Year Resolution

Well technically right now, as a Malaysian, I should have made my resolutions 6 hours ago. Since I am now located in New York, I have decided to make the resolutions later hahah.

Supposed to be studying right now, am taking a short break to reflect upon the year 2009.

I would definitely say it was a great year, but I think 2010 would be even greater! Am looking forward to it!!

Of course, I am becoming older, and hopefully wiser.

New Year Resolution

1. Study smarter(duh it's such a typical nerd's resolution)

2. Increased my yoga practice time to 45 minutes per day

3. Try lead climbing this year!

4. Publish the research!

5. Get involved in another research!

6. Do my best in everything that I have set my mind on

7. Not feel sleepy while teaching violin

8. Not feel sleepy during class

9. Being single! free to go out on any dates!! muahahahahhaha

10. go iceskating!

10 resolutions for the 10th year after y25k.. that should be good enough? I should concentrate on fulfilling them

Study, study, study

I have been studying, watching drama, eating all day long. This will be my schedule for the next 4 days.

Step 2 CS is coming soon! I kept getting distracted, thinking about my flight status, the transport to go there, the bus tickets to philly, the hostels, and where I wanna go after the exam and whether my stuff will fit in the suitcases, whether or not i should buy a new suitcase, what am i supposed to study for Family Medicine(the rotation that I am supposed to be in right now).. GAHHh the list goes on and on and on. I need to concentrate!

Preparations for the exams are not great but not bad. I just hope I could pass the exam.

Weather here in New York has been better. There's no more snow on the ground though, could be due to the heavy rain last week. It looks a lot cleaner but I miss central park looking white. It's now greenish brownish

Looks different huh. Well it may be a normal thing for an American, but for it it's amazing how a place can looks so different at different times.

Oh. I just realized I hadn't posted any pictures of the people I'd known from the hospital. Am really missing them already.

Anita the fellow in nephrology

From left: Leon the resident, Rafael the discharge coordinator, Alan the transplant fellow and ME!

Marie the other transplant fellow and ME!

Carolin, the other visiting from Germany

I know I am gonna really miss New York but now I am missing my friends who are studying back in seremban and my family too!

Oh and I had to figure out the New Year resolutions and reflect on the year 2009! hmmmm

2009

1. The beginning of the year was all about Cody leaving Malaysia and going to Japan and study

2. My birthday was great thanks to my friends and family

3. Went through Psychiatry, Pediatrics, Orthopedics, Obstetrics

4. Passed EOS(End of Semester) 7!

5. Went to Bali!! It was a great trip !!!

6. Had a great time being in the subcommittee of the 1st Malaysian International Medical Students' Conference. Had great experience and know a lot of new friends

7. Became a certified scuba diver thanks to AL!

8. Went through minor postings, ophthalmology, ENT, Dermatology and Accident and Emergency

9. The greatest 2 months of my life probably. NEW YORK! of course, I don't have to repeat what happened :)

10. I have become single after 5 years.

Me at Bryant's park

I shall start thinking about my New Year's resolution during my next study break haha. Sorry for such a long post

Merry Christmas!

I did realize that I hadn't been updating this blog for almost 2 weeks now. Well.. my rotations in New York are officially over. Said goodbyes and hugs yesterday to the resident, fellow and attending. It was sad really. I am really gonna miss the rotation.

Just a quick summary of the kidney transplant rotation. I have been to 4 procurements. 2 of the procurements on a private jet(I am still smiling like an idiot thinking about that). Scrubbed in on countless kidney transplant surgeries, one liver transplant, 2 small bowel resections with liver resections and HIPEC( a form of treatment of cancer where they buzz chemotherapy directly on the tumor). and so much more that I can't remember. It's time to write the report.

Am now procrastinating. not studying for the CS. Sigh. I still have so much to do. I hadn't write the report for my elective and selectives. I hadn't completed writing the cover letter for my research. I am still thinking of the souvenirs that I need to buy and figuring out whether I should buy it later or whatever. And I feel restless here probably because I know most of my batch mates are starting class on the 27th December.

I have been so preoccupied that I hadn't realized that it's gonna be a new year soon! It's time to make new year resolutions! well. i should reflect back on what were my resolutions last year. Will come back again. Time to study!

oh, and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!