Another wave of depression....

Again another wave of depression...

what do i do?

I know in 10 years time, I might look back and laughed at myself. Look back and realized how much time I have wasted feeling sad about this whole situation.

Maybe the time has come? Has it?

Brain overload

I still have so many questions to do!!!

and my brain is filled with all the nitpicky details that I might not remember under pressure. It felt like if i just shake my head that piece of info will fall out from my ear.

I am just about to scream

Today I am grateful for

The wonderful hug I received when I am crying and down and upset from a beautiful person.

Stupidity

My stupidity amazes me sometimes.

And the fact that I am blogging about this and wasting more time about it makes me feel even more stupider. Then again, sometimes people do stupid things to feel better.

I am now in the midst of studying for my USMLE and had to do some paper work to start working in May.

I was supposed to send an application for the provisional registration and guess what, I forgot to send the bank draft along with my other application!! It was left in the photocopy of my home printer!!!. Sigh. Good thing I tried to print something yesterday and discovered that. The good thing that came out of this is that, I discovered it earlier and mailed the bank draft at the very next morning. Sigh.

Now, I am very much seduced by the iPad2. I am very, very attracted to you iBook. Imagine, reading nicholas sparks on the ipad. No need to bring anymore story books!!! WOW...I have a very huge feeling, once I received my first pay, it will be a ipad soon..... wooohooo!!!!

I wish

I wish...

I wishhh

I wishhhhh

I am scared and don't know what to wish for. I am afraid that my wish could come true and something bad will happen.

I don't want to be in this shit hole. Is it because I am thriving on the drama?

Of course I know he's not the knight and shining armor. What he's doing is wrong.

I am supposed to stop him from doing it because I love him. But, unfortunately, like every other women in my situation, I am unable to stop him. Or stop myself.

I know I had it under control most of the times. But at times like this, I felt terrible and I don't know what to do. Give me the strength and wisdom and stop rationalizing.

Give him the strength and wisdom and stop rationalizing

Most of all, I wish one day, both of us have the strength to do what is right and that is when, happiness is no doubt a feeling that would come naturally, where a smile does not have to be faked, or a sad feeling will not need to be physically pushed away.

Show me the path to end my craving and end my suffering.

Study

Gosh. It's official. I am absolutely SICK of studying

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The Prelude to a New Beginning...

Finally, the long awaited dream has finally arrived!! I am finally, finally a doctor!

Exam went on as usual, have been hoping so, so hard that I'll just pass and be a good person, a good doctor.

Most importantly, I wish I could make a difference, no matter how small, for the better for all people who crossed my path in the future. I hope, that my vision and aspiration that I had on the first day of medical school will continue to hold true till the day I stop practicing medicine.

This have been, I would say, a pretty long 5 years for me. Many things have changed, I have grown emotionally and physically. I believe and hope that the growth and feelings that I have learnt throughout this years would help me in my future carrier.

Anyway, today I went to my high school to get my certificates certified true copy for the application of my provisional registration. Naturally, I've met up with all my high school teachers whom I have missed so much.

Meeting my form 6 maths teacher, makes me sad as I knew that she lost a son, a fellow doctor last year just finishing his housemanship. This brought back all the sad, nostalgic emotions last year when I first found out that he passed away after a tragic drowning. This make me again think and remind myself that life is short. Live life to the fullest(quoted from K :))

Most teachers looked the same, never looked like they've aged at all!! Me on the other hand probably looked 10 years older.

They all have the same question for me. When am I getting married?

hmmmm... I know some people already found their life partners. Then again, I have just lived a quarter of my life. How will I know who am I supposed to be with for the next 3 and a half quarter of my life now? Well. I have met someone who could be the one for me. But, I am not the one for him. What can I do?

Anyway, now I am again in the midst of exam, preparing for another exam. Hope all goes well and then I will be able to finally enjoy my holiday and meet my sister!!!!! God I miss her so much.. Can't wait to see her and the place that she's studying, and the place that she lives now.

I will be leaving Malaysia for about 3 weeks. And again I wonder what will happen in this 3 weeks. I hope and wish with all my heart, that the relationship I am in now would remain and will not fade because of the time and distance. Cos I know, I would be heartbroken.