Yay!

I've gotten a text message! :D

Missing you...

I am missing you very much.. but I can't text nor call, I can't receive any text nor any call..

Sigh.

Counting down to Sunday 4 pm. 42 hours more to go.

Exams...

2 parts of the exams are over... two more big parts to go which are the OSCE(Objective Structural Clinical Examinations).

The next 5 days would be filled with practicing, practicing and practicing!

Today's exam was okay I guess.. totally screwed up the biostatistics question.. I did not have time at all to complete that. The others were just so-so okay I guess.. I just hope that it's enough to pass properly.

Am pretty excited for the exams to be over. I want to spend more time with my boyfriend, and can't wait to go for the holiday in Manila!! I can't stop thinking about how many places I am gonna go visit and how much shopping I'll do! Can't wait for the exams to be over honestly. I wanna go for pedicure, movies, bowling, karaoke, watch something from MPO, maybe some climbing, sight seeing, shopping and lazing around.. can't wait can't wait..

And I just saw him 9 hours ago, and I already miss him so much. Can't wait to see him on Sunday. Heheh. I should get back to studying for OSCE.

Depression

I am so freakin depressed and it is not even because of exams. I am depressed with what's been happening around and how erratic some people's behavior can be. Hate them sometimes.

Sometimes I wish I can just erase those unpleasant thoughts in just one exhalation of yoga breath.

Beautiful imperfections in life

Regardless of all the imperfections in the past and the present, it is the beautiful small things you do that make it count. Small things like: me waking up to a wonderful aroma of coffee and curry chicken bread, a great wonderful massage, a phone set nicely next to the bed without the cover to make sure I wake up and not be late, being conscious of your image while going out with me, travelling almost 2 hours a day just to see me, the chocolates, and cakes. hmmm... Blissful

Ethical Issue

Today was a very extremely disappointing day. The story begins this way....

Last Thursday I was at the PD clinic following our IMU lecturer in the outpatient clinic. I was supposed to take a history from a couple of patients and present them to the lecturer as usual. I remember vividly that the staff nurse practically forced me to go out and clerk this new case even though I wanted to listen and observe Dr. S's teaching and counselling. It was a blessing in disguise. I talked to the patient. And she had prolonged and heavy menses and she had a mass in her abdomen. She was referred from the Klinik Kesihatan.

Anyway, after Dr. S examined her, we could not come to a conclusion. Not even after examining and not after ultrasound. The mass was so big it covered her entire abdomen and patient was of course worried.

After that, Dr. S wanted to refer her immediately to HTJ and she knew that they won't admit her without a CT scan. A CT scan appointment in PD would take months to get. Hence she had decided to call the Head of Department in HTJ to make sure the patient gets an admission on that day itself and hopefully a CT scan straight away. This was all done as the situation was really urgent.

What had disappointed me was, when the patient was admitted, she was in the hospital for 3 days, blood was transfused, no CT scan was done. Patient know nothing about her condition.

She was again admitted on the following Thursday. Only the next morning she would have her CT done. At that time, the mass had doubled in size. CT scan showed that the mass has spread to the lungs. Again the patient was not told what had happened. Then my lecturer came about and questioned the doctors in the hospital on what they were doing and I am under the impression that she would be operated on immediately and probably chemo for her metastasis. That day after all the doctors discussed in front of the patient without even acknowledging her, the patient called me and ask me what was happening. I explained to her that I may not be the best person to tell her but she insisted, so i told her that it doesn't look good and the cancer has spread to the lungs. she was calm, she said she'll fight it, and operate and she is willing to try. I was amazed by her optimism and hoped that evening the doctors would quickly devise a good management for her.

The next morning, to my horror, the patient was not there anymore. Apparently she was discharged and would be seen the next week in the outpatient clinic. And no doctors went to tell the patient what was going on. And she is being pushed to the other department. Even though a management plan has been suggested.

I understand that the specialist in charge was being squashed by two big heads. I am disappointed that because of the squabbling between this 2 big heads, decision cannot be properly made and the patient was being pushed to another department.

This is how sad things can be.

Heartbroken

I can see it coming. In 2 weeks time, I think my heart would be smashed and broken into pieces again.

How many times I have to remind myself not to fall in love too hard?

I almost cannot believe that I'll fall for somebody right for me anymore.