Day 1

Awake. Late. My left eye hurts. Crap

Caffeine?

This is what happens when I take coffee at 1 am.

I am still not sleepy(could be due to the fact that i slept 12 hours the previous night)

I am supposed to my day 1 of waking up early today morning- seems that it's going to fail miserably

I am wide awake but have 0 interest in studying, 0 interest in reviewing my US application, -1 interest in starting my case summaries, 

I don't even care about my paeds exam next friday

Scold me. Screw me.

Waking up early..

Again today I failed to get up to go to the ward. I am disappointed in myself. Really. i guess i have mentioned this. 

I have checked a few sites that seem to have really good solutions that i hadn't come up with. 

Okay. starting tomorrow, armed with new loud alarm clock installed on computer, I have also decided that I will blog at 7 am every morning. Is it ridiculous? I hope not. ok. I will rise at 6.30, go for a run, then blog at 7, then prepare to go to the wards. Hope it works.

Waking up

I am now currently in the library. I am gonna menyusahkan all my friends for my inability to do something very trivial and simple which is getting up in the morning.

Why did this happen to me? I am purely lazy. I hate myself for being dependent on my friends and at the mercy of them.

My discipline is bad

I haven't study so many things.

What am I supposed to do? Help

Paeds..

I definitely love paeds posting. This week's been a really, really enjoyable and tiring week. I want to be in the wards all the time, and don't really feel fatigued after that. Until the weekend. 

Friday: got home, had dinner, went to Leo club meeting. Slept at 12

Sat: woke at 9, music class, went out breakfast with mom and student, sleep till 3, realised I am late again for the English class for the Japs, had a very extremely full dinner with them(this is the 4th time they wanted to treat me dinner and I have finally realised that I should not decline anymore). That cost me a very extremely full stomach before the yoga. Cannot tighten the ab and anal muscles at all. Cannot go climbing the tiger rock( is one combination of colors that I am supposed to climb as it is my goal for that week). Oh, and to make matters worse, I just saw a pic taken with the japs and my mouth hadn't return to its normal self yet. SIGH. When is the isotretinoin wearing out from my lips? Oh after that, went shopping, yay but unfortunately there were too many people in One Utama. I hate crowds. It made me irritated and people who stare and glare at my lips are uncountable. SIGH. and watched angels and demons after that, really enjoyed it, as it depicted all the sceneries that I have seen before. It's like going to Italy again.

Sunday: woke up at 8, musci class, muscl class. breakfast sleep music class music class dinner went back to seremban and study group and now supposed to finish reports but contemplating to finally face the truth and watch the American Idol Finale. I already know the winner. He's Adam Lambert. I am not crazy. 

Secrets

I am drowning in secrets

WHY?

why does my mom hate the fact so much that I am just merely going out breakfast with my boyfriend(currently away)'s mom and brothers?
Why? It's not like I am compromising my time with her. I went to the church with her to celebrate her mother's day. And mind you, I think I am the only daughter of some one there. I spent time with her, I did not do anything to reduce the time, and I would like to do what I want to do during my other time. Why is it so hard? It's even more stressful than all my final exams put together.

Why my student can't play the violin well? I have continuously drilled and drilled and what do I get? some off pitched song that is not even played in rhythm. I should just CHILL.

So much anger there. Please don't said you'll pray for me I will just vomit. Also

Why is the Christian God He? Why can't it be She?

the one that upset me most is my mom, the person whom i love most in this world, the fact that until now she does not see why

Just a small reminder, I am always grateful for what I have, a great mom, a great dad, great sis and brother, great life. It's just all this small things that make me so irritated and upset. Save me.