Where's all my money? I'll bet this is a question practically everyone(non-including those bungalow staying, LV buying people) asks them self.
I haven't been buying anything. Most of my money have been spent on the dermatologist( 1 more month of oratane to go), the rent, the books, the electricity. Well, everyone has to spend those money right? I have pocket money from my parents, I am working part time. I am supposed to be rich. Unfortunately, my bank account is always on the negative side. No savings. So I had to say bye bye to rock climbing shoes, bye bye to new yoga mat(which reminds me the mat that is originally pink already has 2 huge white patches), bye bye to visiting my dear in Japan this August.
Wish I am rich
Monday, March 30, 2009
Feeling scared for the first time
This may be the first ever time I will feel lonely in my life. Sigh. I've never been so afraid of loneliness before. In fact, I always welcomed loneliness, to sort out my thoughts, to get things done. I've never thought I would be afraid before. Now, for the very first time, my boyfriend, whom i've been seeing for almost 5 years, will be leaving me, Malaysia and his family to Japan to pursue his studies. In Japan. For 1 whole year i won't be seeing him, won't be holding him. I don't know what am I going to do as he is my soul mate, best friend, and the person I love most after my family.
I will stand up tall and try my very best to welcome this challenge.
I can't wait for this week to end. finishing my exam, seeing my dear for the last time this year. Separation is hard.
I will stand up tall and try my very best to welcome this challenge.
I can't wait for this week to end. finishing my exam, seeing my dear for the last time this year. Separation is hard.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Sleeping disorder/ laziness disorder??
I woke up at 12 today. Is that even possible in clinical school? I am just plain lazy. Seriously. I have been having trouble getting up in the morning to go to the wards. Am in psychiatric posting now. I just cannot seem to find the urge to get up when there's no class. Oh and my pink alarm clock died today, had to replace the battery.
Okay, just an account of what an uneventful day today was, I went to class at 2 pm, learned stuff, and then went home, watch american idol the top 13, adam lambert was and will be great. Did my yoga then when it stopped raining went for a jog at Taman Tasik Seremban. Guess what happened. I was walking peacefully, choosing a song to hear from my phone and then suddenly this malay guy in his 30s started talking to me. Apparently he thought I was a malay, and kept repeating that if i were a malay he will 'kacau' me. I was just having normal conversations like a normal person, then i started jogging, then he caught up with me and after 3 rounds he seemed exhausted and hence went off and I thought I was safe. After finishing another round I headed back to my car. Guess what, he and his friend was standing near my car!(BTW, my dad got me a car, the new proton saga, manual, LOVE IT, am so glad to have a car and stop depending on others) ANyway, I was a bit afraid, and I walked away as I didn't want those guys to know what car am I driving. It was infuriating as he kept calling me and I walk walk walk to A&W. Called Kajen in hope that he can pick me up ...I did contemplated walking back to the car but it was really getting dark and if something were to happen to me no one would see it. Thank god Kajen came and drove me to the car. Thank god for that. I will have to make sure I come earlier for jogging and hopefully with a partner. Getting back to studying
Okay, just an account of what an uneventful day today was, I went to class at 2 pm, learned stuff, and then went home, watch american idol the top 13, adam lambert was and will be great. Did my yoga then when it stopped raining went for a jog at Taman Tasik Seremban. Guess what happened. I was walking peacefully, choosing a song to hear from my phone and then suddenly this malay guy in his 30s started talking to me. Apparently he thought I was a malay, and kept repeating that if i were a malay he will 'kacau' me. I was just having normal conversations like a normal person, then i started jogging, then he caught up with me and after 3 rounds he seemed exhausted and hence went off and I thought I was safe. After finishing another round I headed back to my car. Guess what, he and his friend was standing near my car!(BTW, my dad got me a car, the new proton saga, manual, LOVE IT, am so glad to have a car and stop depending on others) ANyway, I was a bit afraid, and I walked away as I didn't want those guys to know what car am I driving. It was infuriating as he kept calling me and I walk walk walk to A&W. Called Kajen in hope that he can pick me up ...I did contemplated walking back to the car but it was really getting dark and if something were to happen to me no one would see it. Thank god Kajen came and drove me to the car. Thank god for that. I will have to make sure I come earlier for jogging and hopefully with a partner. Getting back to studying
Friday, February 13, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Oratane..
This is the 5th month of my Oratane treatment. Well, a bit of background information, Oratane is a treatment for severe acne and acne that is resistant to topical and oral antibiotics. Anyway, I have been contemplating to take Oratane for years but did not do it as a lot of my friends were against it. But most importantly, I felt that it was unnecessary to undergo all the pain and dryness. The side effect of Oratane is of course, extreme skin and mucosal dryness. Last October, I couldn't stand the pain of my acne anymore, it wasn't only emotionally debilitating, but it is also really, really painful. Anyway, I just decide then and there, took the train all the way back to bank negara and saw the skin doctor and agreed on the treatment.
So what are the side effects that I've experienced? Of course I did not have any child with birth defects as I am not getting pregnant. Hmmm... but I experience extreme muscle fatigue and joint pain on the first two days of medication. I know I weren't imagining it as I am usually able to do 5 sun salutation A and 5 sun salutation B before starting the other postures of my yoga. After 3 sun salutations I can hear my elbow joints screaming and triceps crying. Sigh, I was quite sad but thank goodness I managed to get my stride back the next few weeks.
Okay, that was the first few weeks. I was told to use Oral B throughout the period that I am on Oratane but I came back to Kepong for the weekend and I forgot my Oral B, so I used the darlie. And oh my, the lasting effects of that one brushing episode. I had perioral dermatitis! A really bad one. So bad that every single nurse I met during the surgical posting asked what allergy I had, and I looked incredibly horrible and even Prof LW questioned me about it. It became really irritating at one point that I began telling whoever asking me about the lips that I had scorpion bite. That was really bitchy but I couldn't take it anymore. Not to mention that it hurts physically as well.
That was the worse side effect I had, other than that, I had nosebleeds, blurring of vision(especially at night) and recently, I had painless per rectal bleeding too! Sigh. I don't know if it's anything significant. I am just going to wait for the whole course of treatment to end before taking any other things to relieve my symptoms. Previously I even had irregular menstrual bleeding, had it like twice a month! seen the O&G specialist, took the OCPs and guess wat happened? I had rashes on my cheeks and pruritus on my arms and legs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARRGGHHHH. This is just too depressing. I am a very happy person. Okay. After this post I am not going to think about all this and wait for the next month. Course of treatment is ending soon.
Of course the good part of this medication is that, I do not have much blemishes any more and I do not need to use any oil blotters anymore!! YAy! and my scalp is really dry and clean and I do not need to wash my hair everyday anymore. Can't wait for the clear skin to come finally...
So what are the side effects that I've experienced? Of course I did not have any child with birth defects as I am not getting pregnant. Hmmm... but I experience extreme muscle fatigue and joint pain on the first two days of medication. I know I weren't imagining it as I am usually able to do 5 sun salutation A and 5 sun salutation B before starting the other postures of my yoga. After 3 sun salutations I can hear my elbow joints screaming and triceps crying. Sigh, I was quite sad but thank goodness I managed to get my stride back the next few weeks.
Okay, that was the first few weeks. I was told to use Oral B throughout the period that I am on Oratane but I came back to Kepong for the weekend and I forgot my Oral B, so I used the darlie. And oh my, the lasting effects of that one brushing episode. I had perioral dermatitis! A really bad one. So bad that every single nurse I met during the surgical posting asked what allergy I had, and I looked incredibly horrible and even Prof LW questioned me about it. It became really irritating at one point that I began telling whoever asking me about the lips that I had scorpion bite. That was really bitchy but I couldn't take it anymore. Not to mention that it hurts physically as well.
That was the worse side effect I had, other than that, I had nosebleeds, blurring of vision(especially at night) and recently, I had painless per rectal bleeding too! Sigh. I don't know if it's anything significant. I am just going to wait for the whole course of treatment to end before taking any other things to relieve my symptoms. Previously I even had irregular menstrual bleeding, had it like twice a month! seen the O&G specialist, took the OCPs and guess wat happened? I had rashes on my cheeks and pruritus on my arms and legs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARRGGHHHH. This is just too depressing. I am a very happy person. Okay. After this post I am not going to think about all this and wait for the next month. Course of treatment is ending soon.
Of course the good part of this medication is that, I do not have much blemishes any more and I do not need to use any oil blotters anymore!! YAy! and my scalp is really dry and clean and I do not need to wash my hair everyday anymore. Can't wait for the clear skin to come finally...
Clubbing
oh well....Clubbing session today surely did went well... Got back from seremban last friday and observed what i've always seen practically everyday of my life 6 months back. KTM packed like sardines and Aunties and uncles scolding from outside shouting to ask people in the middle cubicle to stand closer. Sigh. When will all this anger be over? the whole trip back to kepong took about 2 hours. spent the whole evening talking to my mom...god i miss home.
Saturday, was THE day that i plan to finish my summaries, reports and also some questions. what i ended up doing? well, got up at 10 in the morning, had breakfast with mom and then went to see the gp to certify the medic alert bracelet(I am allergic to aspirin and NSAIDS). been putting it away for too long. there goes the whole morning. got home at about 2 and started filling up the application forms( am applying to get a clinical clerkship in the United States, fulfill my dream of becoming a surgeon in the United States) sigh didn't get much done as usual, it's just too tedious. later on had dinner with parents and brother at one utama, had a really sad discussion with my dad. he was stressed and concerned if he can afford to send me to the states this fall... Sigh I feel really really bad and guilty, I wished I had more violin students so that i have extra money to contribute towards the clinical clerkship this fall...
anyway, later on that night I went clubbing at Quattro as I have promised my sister that I would be the chauffeur. it wasn't a 100% enjoyable night. I don't drink when I go clubbing to stay sober, 2 of my cousin's friend were really, really drunk. i had to take one of them down the stairs and fell down myself Y_Y good thing none of my friends are there. didn't know i am going to regret it later on(My arms are really sore!- and im a rock climber!!!!- a drunk person must hv doubled their weight) anyway, i stayed outside with his drunk friends. sat down on the floor and make sure they don't hit their head. my sister was really drunk too, was talking and acting girly with all strangers. sigh. not a very pretty sight. and later on, on the journey back she had vomited a few times. her friend asked me why didn't i drink, firstly, it was because i am going to drive, and secondly, being a vain pot, i hate looking like a lobster after more than 3 drinks. and 3rdly, after excessive drinking, i usually cry like a baby, experienced it once and i DO NOT want to experience it again. Sigh i wished my sister won't drink so much. how can i advice her without sounding like a mother and a nerd? there's no way around it.
tomorrow, or should i say 3 hours later my 1st student of the day will be coming. can't really sleep now, hungry. which reminds me that one of my student stopped learning. Sigh. less income. I am feeling really guilty that I gave so much burden to my dad. I should have done better in STPM and get into a public uni.
Saturday, was THE day that i plan to finish my summaries, reports and also some questions. what i ended up doing? well, got up at 10 in the morning, had breakfast with mom and then went to see the gp to certify the medic alert bracelet(I am allergic to aspirin and NSAIDS). been putting it away for too long. there goes the whole morning. got home at about 2 and started filling up the application forms( am applying to get a clinical clerkship in the United States, fulfill my dream of becoming a surgeon in the United States) sigh didn't get much done as usual, it's just too tedious. later on had dinner with parents and brother at one utama, had a really sad discussion with my dad. he was stressed and concerned if he can afford to send me to the states this fall... Sigh I feel really really bad and guilty, I wished I had more violin students so that i have extra money to contribute towards the clinical clerkship this fall...
anyway, later on that night I went clubbing at Quattro as I have promised my sister that I would be the chauffeur. it wasn't a 100% enjoyable night. I don't drink when I go clubbing to stay sober, 2 of my cousin's friend were really, really drunk. i had to take one of them down the stairs and fell down myself Y_Y good thing none of my friends are there. didn't know i am going to regret it later on(My arms are really sore!- and im a rock climber!!!!- a drunk person must hv doubled their weight) anyway, i stayed outside with his drunk friends. sat down on the floor and make sure they don't hit their head. my sister was really drunk too, was talking and acting girly with all strangers. sigh. not a very pretty sight. and later on, on the journey back she had vomited a few times. her friend asked me why didn't i drink, firstly, it was because i am going to drive, and secondly, being a vain pot, i hate looking like a lobster after more than 3 drinks. and 3rdly, after excessive drinking, i usually cry like a baby, experienced it once and i DO NOT want to experience it again. Sigh i wished my sister won't drink so much. how can i advice her without sounding like a mother and a nerd? there's no way around it.
tomorrow, or should i say 3 hours later my 1st student of the day will be coming. can't really sleep now, hungry. which reminds me that one of my student stopped learning. Sigh. less income. I am feeling really guilty that I gave so much burden to my dad. I should have done better in STPM and get into a public uni.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Not doing anything
Have you ever felt that you have so much to do and you do not know what to do first? At the end of it, you did nothing. It seem to be like a bug and i have been bitten twice. God. I have 2 case summaries, 1 report, had to finish studying the weekly learning issues, tbls, and i have not even fulfilled the requirement of reading 25 pages of davidson's a day. Not a single day of Internal medicine that i finished my 'to-do' list. it's becoming a not-to-do list currently.
Anyway, back to my blog. I have been so occupied these months and I have only realized that it was before EOS 5 i actually blogged about some rubbish. A quick update on what happened in the last few months of last year
September 2008- Passed EOS 5, Passed USMLE Step 1(was very, very relieved, unfortunately it wasn't a good score Y_Y) Start a new life in Seremban with Family medicine posting. Love Clinical school. Went to Pangkor- the sunset is just simply amazing.
October 2008- Didn't do well in Family Medicine posting. Enjoyed being independent and learnt to cook a bit. Started Surgical posting. Love it very very very very much. Want to be a surgeon more than ever.
November 2008- Enjoying the surgical posting.
December 2008- End of posting exams. Went to Singapore after Christmas for chinese new year shopping. Enjoyed the beautiful christmas deco in Orchard road. Started medical posting feeling a bit worried.
January 2009- The New Year. New Year resolutions, new year holiday, new year new life.
I don't feel so excited about new year anymore. Why? Is it because im getting older?
I'm ending this abruptly.
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