2020

So much have changed 

I now have a tiny human fast asleep in my bedroom. it's 3 minutes to 12 mn and I am still procrastinating(some things never change) 

Everything at work are in pieces 

But am so, so, so happy. 

Just browsing through the previous posts I had that sounded so pathetic, reminds me of the mindfulness of the present, and how important it is to savour the current moment. 

Though I kept getting scolded like mad today, making lots of silly ridiculous mistake, I still have this small hope that I might actually make it. 

Please please pray for me. 

Guess am gonna get back to my slides 

Wow

quite surprised to hear him snapping at me that way.
wow

:(

same discussion again and no solution.

wait and worry. wait and worry

4 years

is it really happening ? is he coming?

4 years

It's really long :(

what i want

i wish so so so hard you're here

i wish so so so hard you'd tell me over and over again you love me

i wish so so so hard that every time i said four years is too long you'd tell me you'll try over and over again to come here

I wish 

I wish that i will never regret it if i cannot have a child after waiting for so long and hope i will not be upset for the rest of my life

i wish so so so hard that my honey is here

I wish so so hard that my honey understands why waiting for 4 years is so so hard

i wish that every time i tell him this he doesnt say that i want to break up. Cos it makes me feel that he could break up so easily with me. Despite me saying so many times that i'd never ever wanna break up with him

Now my tummy is hurting from crying and i wish my honey is here. 

But he's not

Doesnt seem to feel that 4 years is hard for him

If he can ask me to break up so easily with him, does it mean he just doesnt care?

That'll just crush me

:'(

why ? why say i chose this life because i want to be a surgeon? If you are here right now we could have a family. It isn't my choice that you arent here. It isnt my choice that you already have kids either.

I accepted you for who you are but you say that i chose this path because i want to be a surgeon. That i will only have a late family. I love you, I choose you. So that means i choose to have a late famiily because you just cant come now? 

I love you honey 

I hope you will one day understand how i feel 

Missing you so badly

Didn't realise it was so long again since I have logged into my blog.
And that you checked it more than I do, my honey

It has been such a great holiday. I know I am looking forward to my Masters and am excited to get back to work and start working on my lists of things to do.

But.

I miss you so much.

Waiting for the day where I can sit next to you. We both can work. And then spend time together after finishing.

Anyhow, am gonna treasure the moments of counting down the days am gonna see you, the excitement of seeing you and the limited time we spend together and our adventures and holidays together.

Starting the countdown to see you again my honey

Thank you

Thank you for trying to cheer me up

I love you

one of those bad days

you know one of those bad days where everything makes you feel bad?

I feel horrible
and i jst want to curl in my room and cry

Already am anyway. I better jst stay here and turn everything off.

No one will know and no one will care.

complete idiot

I must have been an even bigger idiot than i actually thought.

everyone seemed to think so.

I better stay in my room and study hard

Scuba Diving

Some equipments just simply looks different.

Perhaps a new one is created and looks absolutely different

How can I tell what it is by a poorly taken picture?

Sigh.

I dont like being making fun of.

I jst don't wanna pick a fight.

Even said I need my books back. Which I have kindly lent them to you anyway

Small things that makes in mad in the morning

x-(

I miss you so much

I've missed you so much already...

Counting down to the day that I'm gonna see you again my honey

I know I shouldn't cry, but I just have a fear am not gonna see you again. Just being silly

I love you so much

Flights flights flights

How I wish plane tickets are free.

Sad to know we won't be spending valentine's physically together..

(still trying to figure things out)

Dear Mr Reader of my Blog

Today I reopened a topic that we have discussed previously. But sad to say you didn't respond much. Thought perhaps you were busy or in a bad mood. But again you returned the comment by saying I'm also in a bad mood. Sigh. That's that. That'll never change. You reciprocating my statement and use it back against me

I just wonder if you see my point of view at times. Or put yourself in my shoes. Because I do.

For some reason yesterday you didn't reply my okay. And I fell asleep. I woke up at 215 am noticing no reply from you after 4 hours. Perhaps you were at a dinner meeting. Maybe finally for once my insecurities are gone.

But i flooded you with messages. I wished am confident to know you'll definitely call me to wake me.. sadly am scared you won't.

If i don't whatsapp you again after you not replying the okay will you still text me? I don't feel so confident about that. Scared you'll leave me.

:'(.

Dear Mr Reader of my blog

Dear Mr Reader

Thank you so much for wanting to know my deepest thoughts every day

Thank you for telling me your deepest thoughts every day

Thank you for loving me

I can't wait for our future together and am looking forward to our journey towards it

xoxoxo

Apologize

what else can i say apart from apologising?

i've heard your point of view

did you hear mine?

doesnt' matter what I feel then

it's my fault no matter what

apparently it's okay for you to be angry with me

but not okay for me to be angry with you

but nvm

is okay

my fault anyway

sorry

Blissful..

Every time, after we recovered from a fight ..

I love you even more

And trust you more and more

Love

I just love him too much

I don't wanna lose him

Perhaps i should just keep quiet even though am hurt

Don't create unnecessary argument

Remain silent

Perhaps sometimes it's best to just not say i am hurt

and just keep quiet

and suck it up

Best sushis

best sushis r apparently in south africa

:(

when is the ache gonna go away every time i hear that?

wish i stop being so sensitive all the time

what's wrong with mentioning south africa anyway?

:'(

the biltong, the girl, the sushi, the place