2020

So much have changed 

I now have a tiny human fast asleep in my bedroom. it's 3 minutes to 12 mn and I am still procrastinating(some things never change) 

Everything at work are in pieces 

But am so, so, so happy. 

Just browsing through the previous posts I had that sounded so pathetic, reminds me of the mindfulness of the present, and how important it is to savour the current moment. 

Though I kept getting scolded like mad today, making lots of silly ridiculous mistake, I still have this small hope that I might actually make it. 

Please please pray for me. 

Guess am gonna get back to my slides 

Wow

quite surprised to hear him snapping at me that way.
wow

:(

same discussion again and no solution.

wait and worry. wait and worry

4 years

is it really happening ? is he coming?

4 years

It's really long :(

what i want

i wish so so so hard you're here

i wish so so so hard you'd tell me over and over again you love me

i wish so so so hard that every time i said four years is too long you'd tell me you'll try over and over again to come here

I wish 

I wish that i will never regret it if i cannot have a child after waiting for so long and hope i will not be upset for the rest of my life

i wish so so so hard that my honey is here

I wish so so hard that my honey understands why waiting for 4 years is so so hard

i wish that every time i tell him this he doesnt say that i want to break up. Cos it makes me feel that he could break up so easily with me. Despite me saying so many times that i'd never ever wanna break up with him

Now my tummy is hurting from crying and i wish my honey is here. 

But he's not

Doesnt seem to feel that 4 years is hard for him

If he can ask me to break up so easily with him, does it mean he just doesnt care?

That'll just crush me

:'(

why ? why say i chose this life because i want to be a surgeon? If you are here right now we could have a family. It isn't my choice that you arent here. It isnt my choice that you already have kids either.

I accepted you for who you are but you say that i chose this path because i want to be a surgeon. That i will only have a late family. I love you, I choose you. So that means i choose to have a late famiily because you just cant come now? 

I love you honey 

I hope you will one day understand how i feel 

Missing you so badly

Didn't realise it was so long again since I have logged into my blog.
And that you checked it more than I do, my honey

It has been such a great holiday. I know I am looking forward to my Masters and am excited to get back to work and start working on my lists of things to do.

But.

I miss you so much.

Waiting for the day where I can sit next to you. We both can work. And then spend time together after finishing.

Anyhow, am gonna treasure the moments of counting down the days am gonna see you, the excitement of seeing you and the limited time we spend together and our adventures and holidays together.

Starting the countdown to see you again my honey